I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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