I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
