Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
