I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
