Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and she was petting her beer can
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
