Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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