Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
