shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
