I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
