P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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