just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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