Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
