i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
