At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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