he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
