i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize