Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
