Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
