he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
