glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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