The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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