I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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