if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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