Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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