The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
