Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Send help, water and tortillas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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