i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
