dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
