Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
