I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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