I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
