Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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