party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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