shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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