Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
