I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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