i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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