I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
