The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
