I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
