I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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