its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
