I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
