We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
