I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
