He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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