He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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