this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
