Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
