Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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