hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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