yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
