hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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