If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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