awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
