Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
