Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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