i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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