Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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