We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
