Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
