He disabled his match.com account in front of me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
