last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm like, not good at living.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
