sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
