my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
