Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
