I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
