Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
