Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
