so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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