Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
