i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
