FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
