I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
