Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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